How To Maintain Health and Wellness in College Relationships

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College can be a complicated and stressful time in the life of burgeoning young adults, and it’s often through quality time spent with loved ones outside of academics that we’re able to escape the craziness for a while. However, it is possible for the relationships we go to for comfort and distance from school or work to contribute stress if the bond is more of a negative experience than a positive getaway.

It’s important to recognize that sometimes, instead of offering healthy support and companionship, these bonds can be mentally, physically and emotionally draining. Therefore, understanding the types of relationships you have and how to maintain them (or break them off, if necessary) is vital to ensure that you and all of the people that you love are truly on good terms.

What Does it Mean for a Relationship to be “Healthy?”

While hanging out with a close friend, family member or a romantic partner, the words, “Oh, I love how healthy and well our relationship is!” probably isn't the first thing that comes to mind. There are aspects to the structure of every relationship, however, that usually indicate if it resides in a good place.

According to Dr. Theodore Pickett Jr., associate director for the University of Maryland Counseling Center, indicators of a healthy, stable relationship include the presence of good communication, compromise, empathy and reciprocation.

Pickett said that a healthy relationship does not equate to a relationship without any problems. Times of disagreement, upsetness and mistakes are expected to happen. Often times, relationships will go south because conflicts aren’t addressed properly.

“It tends to be pushed away and they act like it doesn’t exist versus coming to some understanding,” Pickett said.

The way in which conflicts are resolved plays a major role in sustaining the health and lasting value of a relationship. The parties involved don’t have to agree, but it’s important that an effort is made to hear each other out and to determine a way to move forward.

Other aspects of a healthy relationship, as stated by a guide from Loyola University of Chicago, include decent levels of mutual respect, trust and support, honesty, fairness, space for individual identities and forgiveness. The guide specifies these key attributes for romantic relationships, but they can apply to friendships and family as well.

Without always having to think too critically, taking notice of these subtle yet significant factors can help you better understand the state of your relationships and how to keep them in good condition.

Toxic Relationships and How to Avoid or Cut Them Off

As previously mentioned, most relationships aren’t perfect and problems can arise. Unfortunately, some problems can develop into something far worse than the original situation and lead the relationship into a dark place.

As discussions on mental health awareness have increased in recent years, more people seem to be aware of what a toxic relationship is. It’s characterized by behaviors, on the part of one partner, that are emotionally and, not infrequently, physically damaging to the other, as defined by HealthScope Magazine.

In some ways, the signs of a toxic relationship will be apparent. In other ways, they won’t be right away.

“Most individuals would say that if there’s physical violence, emotional coercion or control, that tends to indicate that there’s some toxicity,” Pickett said.

Many relationships, Pickett added, don’t start immediately start off toxic. Rather, they build into becoming that way, making the signs of toxicity difficult to notice or harder to handle.

Consider the factors of isolation, intimidation, abuse, coercion, threats, or the minimizing of one’s thoughts or feelings when trying to figure out if you’re in a situation like this.

If it turns out that one of your relationships is bad for you, cutting it off might not seem easy, but it is possible.

“I encourage folks to connect with their social support,” Pickett said. “They’re going to need that to help them manage the fallout and help them maintain their ground.”

If physical abuse is a major part of the relationship, there are local shelters that will help you to get back on your feet.

Counseling can also help you navigate how to leave a toxic relationship and provide you with additional resources on where to go or what to do next.

Relationships should contribute to your self-esteem, enjoyment and happiness, especially while you’re in college. Whenever the stress of school starts to build, having a healthy support system to go to for balancing out the challenges makes a difference.