Maintaining Balance Between Your Relationship and Social Media

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The 12th track off of Frank Ocean’s “Blonde,” “Facebook Story” tells a brief narration of how a man lost his girlfriend of three years because he didn’t add her as a friend on Facebook. “It was virtual, made no sense,” he says, “I’m in front of you, I don’t need to accept you on Facebook.” A case like that may come off as extreme, but it’s not too far from reality.

Social media has become a prevalent aspect of society. Not only does it serve as an enhancement for our view and understanding of the world, but it’s also a major influence on the way we interact and communicate with each other, both online and off. With so much power, just how big of an effect can social media have on a relationship?

Social media may have a negative impact on a relationship if it’s used carelessly. This simply means that if one or both parties are almost constantly online or posting and commenting without thought, something is bound to go wrong.

Communication expert and author Leslie Shore, who was interviewed for a MyDomaine article earlier this year, said that the misuse of social media can be especially detrimental during the beginning stages of a relationship. This early period is meant for exploration and discovery, getting to know one another in order to gain a stronger understand who you each are. If you’re paying more attention to your mobile devices than to your partner, it could question your sincerity.

“The building of the relationship has newness and surprises,” Shore explained. “During this time, it is critical that cellphones are out of sight while in conversation to ensure total concentration on the other.”

Shore also emphasized the importance of being mindful of what parts of your relationship get posted online, as well as the importance of maintaining an actual, face-to-face connection. “Stay truly connected to those who matter,” she said.

A Forbes article from earlier this year touched on the negative impact social media can have on relationships, discussing how it breeds unrealistic expectations and toxic behaviors. If you find that you’re often lusting after picture-perfect “relationship goals” or scrolling through your significant other’s pages to “check” on things, a serious talk needs to happen between the two of you.

What About Dating Apps?

Obviously, a lot of social media can bear some influence on relationships, but what about the social media that was specifically designed to help you find that special someone? Dating websites such as eHarmony and Match have been around for a while, and apps such as Tinder, Bumble and more have been growing in popularity in recent years. Regardless of its favorability, however, the usefulness of dating social media in producing long-lasting relationships has been and still is debatable.

Business Insider published an article in July about the ways that dating apps are and aren’t useful. In the article, Claudia Duran, a matchmaker for the dating service Elite Connections, argued that while the apps can be good if you’re looking some fun and adventure, it’s not the most effective tool to get that connection to stick.

“People start to become reliant on that sort of high and instant ‘Wow! They like me!’” Duran said. “It really becomes an ego-feeding thing, rather than going out there, sitting with someone, and really just starting to get honest and vulnerable.”

Eli Finkel, a Northwestern University psychologist, professor and author of the book “The All-Or-Nothing Marriage” countered this opinion, stating that the best thing these apps have to offer is a widening pool of prospective considerations, especially Tinder. And Bumble in-house sociologist Jess Carbino was sort of in the middle, stating that one shouldn’t spend time swiping through the app if they’re not going to actually communicate with any of them.

At the end of the day, of course, social media isn’t all that bad; there’s no way to completely eradicate its influence over different parts of our lives, our relationships included. But being mindful of how influential it may be is what will ultimately help in keeping you and your partner on good terms for a long time.