What's Your Love Language?

Where do you look to express your definition of love? Are you someone who seeks quality time from your partner? Do you crave physical touch in every way possible? Does gift-giving mean more to you than it might for someone else? Discovering your own and your significant other’s love languages could be the most effective way to uphold your relationship. It can help you understand how to best show your partner affection. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the best-selling novel The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, there are five love languages: quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, receiving gifts and acts of service.

Quality Time

Quality time has different meanings for everyone; some might see it as going to a concert, others think of it as holding a conversation without any distractions. Chapman agrees with the latter and emphasizes that quality time means giving someone your undivided attention. This can mean being in your partner's presence, doing anything from talking about anything to attending a concert together. Showing your partner that you enjoy spending time with him or her and will be there for him or her no matter what is crucial for those who love in this way.

Physical Touch

To many people, touching is an important factor in a relationship. That doesn’t have to mean showing PDA at all times—small, everyday gestures and touches like hand-holding or even other type of non-sexual touches can make a person feel loved and cared for. Touches can be simple, like rubbing your partner’s shoulders in times of stress, or they can require more effort, as would be the case in giving a massage. In psychology, there is something called the Attachment Theory, which explains that infants need to be in close proximity to their caretakers in order to strengthen themselves emotionally and socially. This theory can be applied to many individuals, where proximity and touch can allow one to feel loved.

Words of Affirmation

Compliments and words of appreciation may be short and quickly-said, but they can hold significant meaning for certain individuals. Those whose love language is “words of affirmation” seek to hear phrases such as “I love you,” “I appreciate you” and “you look great today,” among others. For them, hearing their partner’s love is the only way to give them assurance that they are loved. The power of words is so grand that it has the ability to mend or hurt a relationship and the two individuals in it. If wrong statements are exchanged, it can severely damage the relationship.

Receiving Gifts

Usually, gift-giving involves going to a store and picking something out, or putting thought into crafting a handmade gift. In other cases, deciding to give a gift to someone can be an impromptu act. In both buying and crafting presents, the mind is tasked with picking out something specific that relates to the receiver and will please him or her. Chapman says that some people think of love as receiving a tangible gift, however, this does not necessarily mean that the individuals with this love language are materialistic. Rather, it means that they feel appreciated, cherished and remembered.

Acts of Service

Everyone’s heard the cliche ”actions speak louder than words,” and this holds true for those who fall into the “acts of service” love language. People with this love language crave confirmation that their partners care, so they tend to appreciate all types of service. Actions such as washing dishes to helping with a school assignment fall under this category. Doing someone a favor involves time, effort, and energy, which can be translated into expressing love and showing attentiveness.

The Bottom Line

Everyone loves differently, and how one loves plays a huge factor in what he or she expects or hopes to receive from a relationship. Taking the five love languages quiz and discovering your primary love language can give you insight as to how you can use it to further your connections with those in your life. It also provides insight into what type of individual you are and what you might be looking for in a relationship. If you are in a relationship, learning your partner’s love language will allow the two of you to work together to strengthen your connection. Because not everyone has the same preferences when it comes to giving and receiving love, discovering and discussing both partners’ love languages can assist them in finding balance in their love and help break unspoken barriers.

Take the quiz here: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/